btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
