its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
