I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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