last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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