tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
