i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
