Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
