I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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