Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
