Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
