mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize