def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
