My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
