WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
