i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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