Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
operation have a gay friend backfired
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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