Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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