im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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