Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
