he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
