i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize