lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
