He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
