well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
