uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
