We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
