I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
