Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
