on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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