I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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