I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
