Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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