first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
