So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
