Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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