I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
