Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
