I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
