I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i black out too much to be "responsible"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
