what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
