remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
