Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
