apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
