I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
