I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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