He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
