Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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