I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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