Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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