chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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