Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
