ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
