I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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