i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
