He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
