My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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