I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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