So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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