I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
