She said her name was "party"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
