So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you had me at cake vodka
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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