ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
