Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
