the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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