well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
