I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Your tits are I can't wait for
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
