she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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