I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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