You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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