some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
