you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He better not be in your backpack
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
